My Struggle

Day 16: Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it.

I have struggled with manic depression since I was a young kid. It was really hard to know you were different from the other kids. I struggled to appear to be a normal kid, but it all got to be too much for me to deal with on my own. I started to see a therapist in middle school and it really helped. I continued to see this person throughout college.

I have been on nearly medication on the market for depression. Some helped and some did not. It took the work of my psychologist and a psychiatrist to find the right mixture of medication and therapy. I have been taking pills since middle school and it has always been a dream of mine to get off the medication.

I am happy to say that after a year and half of slowly reducing my dosage and watching my moods, as of February 2013 I am now 100% off any and all medications. Seriously, the medications I were taking so powerful and I was taking such a high dose that I had to slowly come off them to avoid withdrawals. Here is a list of the withdrawals (I have experienced all of them...)

• Dizziness
• Sweating
• Nausea (was terrible for me, one time I had to ask the bus driver to let me off in between stops so I could throw up in the bushes on the side of the road at 7:30 in the morning. Not Fun.)
• Insomnia
• Nightmares
• Vertigo
• "Brain Shivers" (like my brain was hiccuping)
• "Sleepy Brain" (like my brain was delayed or asleep)

I still struggle from time to time with depression. Some days I will just in be a gray funk that I can't come out of. But I am getting better at communicating this with Joel, so he knows that I'm not angry with him, that I'm just having a gray day. I am careful about what I eat; lots of junk food can make me feel lethargic and bring on depression. I am careful to stay active and get outdoors. Doing so helps increase natural production of serotonin, which keeps me feeling normal. I am careful not to overwhelm myself when stress levels are high. I am figuring out what are my triggers are and how to prevent them from interrupting life.

Manic depression is something I will live with for the rest of my life. This is my lot in life, and this is how I am working to overcome it.